The Perceptual Positions Exercise
The Perceptual Positions Exercise
Jimmy Petruzzi
The perceptual positions exercise allows you to look at a situation from three different viewpoints: you’re own, the other person’s, and that of an objective outsider. Follow these steps to take yourself through the technique.
Step 1: Identify the situation
Start by identifying a specific situation for which you want build a positive relationship. We’ll continue to use the example of the parent and child.
Step 2: Set up your space
Using this technique, you move to an entirely different place in the room every time you ‘change positions’ (become someone else). This doesn’t have to be a major change – for example, you could simply switch chairs in your living room or kitchen. However, it’s important to set up three separate locations before you begin.
The reason why it’s useful to change spaces is because this allows you to take a break from each viewpoint you’ll be experiencing. Think of it like wiping the slate clean and readying yourself to write something new. In NLP we call this “breaking state”, and physically changing positions for each viewpoint is important to the success of this exercise.
Make sure you know which space you’ll use for each viewpoint. For example, when you’re being yourself. When you take your Childs position, you’ll sit in a different chair. And when you’re the objective outsider, you’ll sit in the chair across the room.
Step 3: Get to know each position (person)
before you start dealing with a specific issue, familiarize yourself with the different positions you’ll experience.
This is similar to trying on new clothes. Simply imagine what it’s like to be ‘inside’ each different person. Think of it as role-playing. Don’t focus on your specific situation yet.
It’s important to imagine as much detail as possible. For instance, if you’re taking your Childs position, think about his/her hand gestures, his/ her mannerisms, and her viewpoints. Hear their voice as they talk, and try to imagine how they feel in different situations. Really put you into the role, much like an actor would. For just a minute or two, try to ‘become’ the other person.
In perceptual positions, there are three commonly used positions. Practice each position for just a minute:
- First position – This is you.
- Second position – This is the other person involved in the situation (in this case, your child or person you have conflict with).
- Third position – This is an objective outsider, someone you respect or admire though has no connection with, or involvement in, the situation.
Every time you switch positions, take a quick break, and do something entirely different to free your mind of that role. You could drink some water or read a paragraph from a book. This will help your mind ‘leave’ one role so you can easily change to the next.
Step 4: Explore each position
now you’re ready to start imagining your specific situation.
First position – Go to your first point, the physical space you chose for your first position (i.e. chair in the living room). Close your eyes, and review the specific situation in your mind. Picture it exactly as it happened, seeing it through your own eyes. Remember exactly what each person said, and how you felt.
The more specific you are, the better the exercise will work.
Second position – After you replay the situation clearly from your viewpoint, take a break. Get up and do something else for 15 seconds. Then, move to your second position’s point (in our example another chair in the living room).
Imagine the situation from the other person’s point of view. Imagine stepping into your children’s body and becoming them, and look at yourself through their eyes. Replay again what you both said – but this time, try to imagine their perspective. What is the understanding of the situation? How do they see you and your actions?
Third position – Once you’ve completely replayed the situation, take another quick break. Then step into the position of the objective outsider, someone who you respect or admire, who is watching like a fly on the wall, moving to the third point (in our example, the chair across the room).
For this last position, it’s helpful to picture yourself looking down on the scene from above, or looking through a window into the room. You could also imagine yourself as a counsellor, listening objectively to both sides of the story.
Ask yourself these questions: How are these two people acting? Are they being fair to each other? Are they listening to what each over’s has to say? Is the present behaviour resolving anything? Is one being dominant, while the other is submissive? What advice would you give these two people to help them work out their differences?
Step 5: Analyze what you’ve learned
Take a few minutes to write down what you learned from the exercise. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about the other person? How do you want to move forward from here?
Key Points
The perceptual positions technique allows you to see things from someone else’s perspective. By replaying a scene from the viewpoints of yourself, the other person, and an objective outsider. You may get a clearer picture of what actually happened – and how the other person sees the situation. This technique may take some practice, but the more you do it, the easier it will become.